Explore the Microdong Universe
EchoChamber Assistant
Finally, an AI that truly understands you. Forget being challenged by alternative facts or differing opinions. With EchoChamber Assistant, your home AI experience is tailored to align perfectly with your personal beliefs. Whether it’s the latest news, shopping suggestions, or social trends, EchoChamber Assistant presents information that always feels right. Why deal with the uncomfortable truth when you can enjoy the comfort of an assistant that just gets you?
"When I ask for the weather, it never forgets the chemtrails!"
— Brig Gen Jack D. Ripper
"My GPS finally makes sense—it’s using the flat earth model! No more getting lost with that round-Earth nonsense."
— Pierre Rond
"I said goodnight to social media and good morning to EchoChamber! I have the real truth now."
— D. Aedalus
EterniDrive
Say goodbye to running out of storage space forever. With EterniDrive, you get infinite capacity to store all your precious files, photos, and whatever else you can think of. The catch? We’ll use your data for marketing purposes—but isn’t that a fair trade for endless storage? Whether you’re a data hoarder or just tired of deleting old files, EterniDrive offers the perfect solution: infinite space for your digital life, with just a little peek into your habits.
"Seeing faces of friends and family in every ad when I browse the net, makes the whole thing feel a lot more cozy!"
— CozyBytes87
"I would never store data on EterniDrive, my privacy is important—but its data analytics services? Fantastic! I can snoop on anyone for only a few cents!"
— Izzy Bodi, HOA President.
"I got thirty-seven different ports of Tongue of the Fat Man stored on EterniDrive—and no regrets."
— Mr. Do
MindMeld Collaborator
Forget the endless back-and-forth of meetings. With the MindMeld Collaborator, team collaboration is as easy as breathing—literally. This revolutionary device merges your team members' thoughts through a single, gross-looking hose that goes right into your mouth. It may not look glamorous, but once you're hooked up, the ideas flow, and decisions become a unified masterpiece. It's a breath of fresh air in the world of group collaboration, where harmony (and hygiene) meet head-on!
"Initially, I found the entire setup disgusting. I mean, who wants to have their coworkers' thoughts ooze into their brain? But after a while, something about the connection felt... exciting. By the end, I kind of liked it. Maybe a little too much."
— Misaki Ito, Manga Artist.
"Misery loves company."
— Ena Gutters, Call Center Employee.
"Absolutely fantastic, highly recommend!"
— P. Ping Tom, The Observer's Digest.
Neuronet SyncHub
In a world that never stops, why should you? With the Neuronet SyncHub, Microdong’s advanced brain-computer interface, your consciousness is forced directly to our servers, ensuring that your mind stays productive—whether you're at work, relaxing, or just slowly deteriorating into an organic mass. Get in those overtime hours wherever you are! Even when you're away, you're never really off the clock. The lines between play time and work blur into one seamless experience, allowing you to contribute without needing to be physical. Who needs downtime when you can become uptime?
"It's like that helmet from Demolition Man, but instead of virtual sex, you get virtual overtime."
— John Spartan Jr., host of "Frozen Justice: The Cryo Chronicles"
"Sometimes I forget who I am while I'm wearing it—and that makes me feel better."
— Jane Doe
"I wanted to get more done in less time, now I just get more done... all the time."
— Dr. Sum If, Excel Tips Quarterly Magazine
SleepNull Patch
Why waste a third of your life unconscious when you could be doing so much more? The SleepNull Patch is Microdong’s revolutionary biohacking skin patch that eliminates the need for sleep altogether. Doubling your available time is quite the game-changer—suddenly, those 24 hours feel more like 48. Say goodbye to groggy mornings and restless nights, and hello to uninterrupted productivity. Whether it’s more work, more hobbies, or more endless scrolling, the SleepNull Patch keeps you going long after others have clocked out. After all, there’s so much more to do when you never have to stop.
"I haven't slept in weeks, and I've never felt more alive!"
— Ben Conklin (stationed in a bunker 11,000 feet beneath Alaska)
AutoPilot Commuter
Other companies claim to have self-driving vehicles, but they’re just burning through capital chasing fairy tales. Microdong Systems cuts through the bull by rethinking the game. Why waste time and money teaching a car to drive anywhere when all it really needs to know is how to get you to work? That’s Microdong efficiency. The AutoPilot Commuter is built for one purpose: taking you directly to the office. No fancy routes, no expensive detours—just a reliable ride to your desk. It's the perfect solution for those who know that productivity starts at 9 AM sharp.
"The AP Commuter puts the functional into functional alcoholic for me!"
— Thomas Brewster, Air Traffic Controller.
"Driving the same route every day bored me to death, so I started taking random turns on my way to work. It kept things interesting, but I was always late! The AutoPilot Commuter saved my life—no more wrong turns, just a direct ride to the office, on time, every time."
— Biff Valentine, Sr. Greeting Card Consultant.
Robputer
In the race for more powerful AIs, something vital was left behind. Robputer harnesses the incredible efficiency of a forgotten technique known as Eliza. Originally developed in the early days of AI, we’ve enhanced and scaled this technique, achieving over 1000x more power efficiency per inference compared to the latest methods from so-called “leading” AI technology companies. Start your journey for a better tomorrow, today! with Robputer.
"It's totally OK!"
— Anonymous
"He's my digital therapist! Just as judgmental as my mother-in-law."
— Annie Mossity
"The other ones cost money if you want all the bells and whistles. Robputer is completely free!"
— Lois Price
